Beck, My Bloody Valentine, Chris Isaak, Sade, Jill Scott - The Ten Songs that Precede Copulation
Mon, 30 Aug 2010 16:25:26
It’s no secret that music is the foundation for seduction. The right song can lead to a sensuous night of unforgettable, back-breaking passion. At the same time, the wrong song can deflate even Tommy Lee’s insatiable prowl. The following, my fellow lovers, are the ten songs that will lead to eyebrow-raising behavior, despite all your corny jokes, misplaced manners, and remiss hygiene. Beware: this list is not for the faint of heart. The likes of Barry White, Rod Stewart, Olivia Newton John, Marvin Gaye, and other clichés are intentionally missing. Instead, ARTISTdirect is upping your game with a whole slew of songs that will blindside your unsuspecting partner. Proceed with caution…and enjoy yourself responsibly.
10. Frame the City – “Wearing Jeans to Bed” In expressing one’s intention to freak, the individual can either suggest or scream. In crafting delicate lyrics and a building, tenuous rhythm, lovelorn Nate Moceri’s musical project, Frame the City, takes the former approach with “Wearing Jeans to Bed”. The song reaches its climax at the three minute mark, but you should not.
09. Jill Scott – “Do You Remember” Her Highness Jill Scott is the preeminent feminine figure of musical seduction. Her sultry voice does the heavy lifting, so you won’t have to. “Do You Remember” is one of Scott’s most suggestive compositions, begging your partner to remember “building sandcastles in the Serengeti”. Ditching subtlety, Scott rightfully demands a game of “hide and go freak”. Ready or not, here you…
08. My Bloody Valentine – “When You Sleep” Perhaps MBV’s most palpable song, “When You Sleep” is perfect for driving at night along an open highway, with the city lights just hovering below. The song is youthful, and its uplifting beat will stimulate your partner’s trust, amongst other things. Keep this one stashed early in the playlist, as it’s an unassuming opener that perfectly sets up a more overt successor.
07. Teenagers – “Homecoming” vs. The Roots – “The Seed 2.0” Slot #7 is reserved for a raucous discourse on fornication. Faithfully, two artists in particular have nailed the topic. The Teenagers and the Roots, two diametrically-opposed bands, have managed to produce two body-rockin’ tracks that cannot be ignored in good faith. “Homecoming” is an ostensibly friendly pop song that has been described as “Kraftwerk doing the soundtrack to a porno film”. This suggestive “homage” to American women should only be played for a date with an innate sense of humor and kink. Meanwhile, the suggestive theme of the Roots’ classic, “The Seed 2.0”, is almost eclipsed by the song’s prominent, contagious hook. If you need something to up the energy, either song will deliver, and then some.
06. Beck – “The Golden Age” This one is excavated from my personal collection of success stories. The song triumphantly inaugurates Beck’s acclaimed album Sea Change, and it is poised to serve as your perfect opening as well. Harmless and powerful at once, “The Golden Age” features an unspoken drawl, married to an ambitious sentiment of grandeur and exploration. The song is perfect for those welcomed moments of silence, when nothing more needs to be said.
05. Twilight Singers – “Esta Noche” Greg Dulli is rock and roll’s dirtiest poet. His grime began with his work in the Afghan Wigs, and it continued during his tenure in the Twilight Singers. “Esta Noche”, from the Singer’s 2003 masterpiece Blackberry Belle, combines the gentle hum of electronics, pleading guitars, looping ivories, and Dulli’s estranged vocals. The result is one moody piece of music, perfect for a warm summer night that begs the sun to set and the moon to rise.
04. M83 – “We Own the Sky” Having been decadently described as “orgasmic” by multiple women, clearly this borderline-electronic song deserves serious recognition. M83’s trademark penchant for fuzzed-out lust and sweat is unmistakable with “We Own the Sky”. With the lyrics “It’s coming, it’s coming now”, this meandering song climbs and gently peaks at the three minute mark for an additional two. And if you need an extra boost, check out Hyro Da Hero’s remix titled “Spray Painting Clouds”.
03. Bobby Valentino – “Slow Down” A slow jam with a heartbeat, “Slow Down”, will immediately capture the attention of your partner. The track’s quasi-tribal, infectious beat sets the tone for a passionate evening. The lyrics tell your partner you appreciate all aspects of them, both body and mind. Due to the song’s absolute romantic nature, save this one for later in the evening, for someone with whom you’re already close.
02. Chris Isaak – “Wicked Game” While some may argue Chris Isaak’s timeless opus is clichéd, there’s no doubt that it gets the job done. Because this song is so powerful, it deserves special discussion before use. Since there is only one reason why one would ever play this song on a date, “Wicked Game” should be called on only in times of certainty. Accordingly, be sure to work your way up to this song. Begin with something more subtle, like “When You Sleep”, in order to remain suave and in control. Only then can you open this Pandoraic box.
01. Sade – “No Ordinary Love” You can literally feel the sweat drip off of this jam. The renowned temptress is at her best with “No Ordinary Love”. Sade’s hypnotic vocals will transfer you and your partner to another world where only the two of you exist. The song’s romantic power is recognized in many circles, evidenced by the Deftones surprisingly rousing cover of the classic. Like “Wicked Game”, unleash this one when the stove’s already hot.
Use the preceding list as a potion that can take your relationship with someone to the next level. Accordingly, apply proper discretion. If this is your first date, start with something innocent (e.g. “Wearing Jeans to Bed”), move to something flirty (e.g. “Esta Noche”), then suggestive (e.g. “We Own the Sky”), and end with something powerful (e.g. “No Ordinary Love”). And if you’re prone to saying dumb things when nervous, allow your refined musical taste to calm your nerves and neutralize your unfettered tongue. Lastly, always keep your audience in mind as you plan the soundtrack of entrapment!
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