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  • Drop Dead Gorge-Us: Eating Songs by Dave Matthews Band, The Rolling Stones and Adam Sandler

    Mon, 22 Nov 2010 08:18:25

    Drop Dead Gorge-Us: Eating Songs by Dave Matthews Band, The Rolling Stones and Adam Sandler - The Top Ten Thanksgiving Songs for Over-Eating

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    Thank goodness Bikini Season is nowhere in sight! Thanksgiving is almost here- a time where we celebrate family, express gratitude for our blessings, and try to fool your old high school friends into thinking you’re actually doing something with your life. But more than anything, this is a time to stuff yourself until it hurts. With that in mind, here are the top ten songs for your Thanksgiving holiday (and notice- not one Weird Al Yankovic song! Seriously, every Weird Al song is about food).

    "Too Much"- Dave Matthews Band

    "I eat too much/ I drink too much," Good Ol' Dave crows on this fiddlin' feast. It's a perfect sentiment for Thanksgiving, especially if you're a college student coming home for the holiday. Did you know that most colleges require you to like Dave Matthews Band before they will even let you matriculate? I'm just kidding, but it sure seems that way, doesn't it? I mean, have you ever met a college student who doesn't love Dave Matthews Band just a bit too much (no pun intended)? I just had to throw that tidbit in there. Also, I got to say "matriculate." My word-a-day calendar is paying off!

    "Mashed Potato Popcorn"- James Brown

    Anything by James Brown is a great way to work off those holiday calories. I'm not quite sure what mashed potato popcorn is. Do you put it in the microwave? Is there a 'mashed potato popcorn’ button on the microwave you can use? Can I make some for Thanksgiving dinner? So many questions, but just one relevant answer- James Brown is a funky gentleman. Also, this song is so long that if you dance to it, you can actually burn off all the calories from your Turkey Day dining.

    "Eat The Meek"- NOFX

    Eat the meek- and pass the cranberry sauce! NOFX have always been one of the most creative bands in the punk genre, and their humor and range have made them one of the best punk bands of all time. I mean, they're no Simple Plan, but hey! With a reggae beat, NOFX singer Fat Mike (he must have been nicknamed this after having Thanksgiving dinner!) tells us to eat the meek and "savor the taste- it's always going to be a delicacy." Mmm, sounds like lobster.

    "Cherry Pie"- Warrant

    I thought this song was about a love for the ubiquitous fruit-flavored pastry dessert, until I saw the video. Have you seen it? Turns out it's a metaphor for a woman this Warran T. character romantically pursues! At first I thought it might disqualify this song from our list, but we ruled that songs containing food metaphors still work on this list. Honestly, this is one of those iconic videos from the hair band Eighties that I hadn’t seen in a while and just checked out again while writing this article. Now I want some cherry pie and a jean jacket.

    "We Looked Like Giants"- Death Cab For Cutie

    This song actually recounts two young lovers and the burgeoning romance that forges them towards adulthood. It’s from Death Cab for Cutie’s fantastic 2003 album, Transatlanticism. So why did we pick it for a playlist about gorging? Because we all look like giants after Thanksgiving dinner! Zing! That "zing" was actually the sound of my top button snapping off my pants from too much food.

    "Brown Sugar"- The Rolling Stones

    The Stones are classic, and brown sugar is an integral part of making candied yams. Sold! You know, I'm starting to realize that a lot of songs about "food" aren't really about food at all…

    "Heart Attack Man"- Beastie Boys

    This is a furious punk track from the Beasties’ mid-nineties classic album, Ill Communication, and it will make you feel like you’re going to have a heart attack. As the rail-thin Mike D wails about some fat punk (who looks like the guy in the Hefty bag commercial) that crossed him the wrong way, we can't help but wonder if the guy just had too many helpings of stuffing at the dinner table.

    "Eat For Two"- 10,000 Maniacs

    This song is actually about carrying a child. Although, on Thanksgiving, I think everyone eats for two! This song is also appropriate since it’s by a group called 10,000 Maniacs, which is what you'll be dealing with this holiday at the family dinner table! Just kidding- your Aunt Ruth is a very calm and charming woman.

    "Peaches"- The Presidents of the United States of America

    "Peaches come from a can/ they were put there by a man/ in a factory downtown," the Presidents proclaim on this quirky Nineties hit single. I bet the Pilgrims and Indians would beg to differ. Towards the end of the song, the POTUSA sing over and over that they are dreaming of "millions of peaches." That would make it a very fruitful Thanksgiving for everyone indeed. Speaking of presidents- did you know that in 1863, President Abraham Lincoln declared Thanksgiving a national holiday? See? This article has educational humor! Unfortunately it’s not that educational and not that humorous. On one last note- when I used the term "Indian" above, I meant no disrespect to Native Americans, the good people of the country of India, or Major League Baseball’s Cleveland Indians.

    "Thanksgiving Song"- Adam Sandler

    This is Adam Sandler's scathing political satire, railing against the class struggles brought about by the United States government's estate tax policies. Just kidding, I have no idea what that means! This is actually just a goofy song about how Adam Sandler loves turkey. Have you ever listened to Adam Sandler's songs and thought he could be a children’s singer? Yeah, me neither.

    With how crazy life gets, it’s great we can take time out to celebrate one of the most quintessential and definitive American holidays and realize what’s really important: football, gluttony, and four-day weekends! Honestly, I don’t know what else you can ask for in a holiday. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, and keep your elbows off the table.

    —Mark Phillips
    11.22.10


    What do you listen to on Thanksgiving?



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    Tags: Dave Matthews Band, James Brown, The Rolling Stones, NOFX, Simple Plan, Death Cab for Cutie, Beastie Boys, 10,000 Maniacs, Warrant, The Presidents of the United States of America, Dave Matthews, Weird Al Yankovic, Adam Sandler

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