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  • Exclusive "The Expendables" Christmas TV Spot and Carols

    Thu, 18 Nov 2010 10:40:40

    Exclusive "The Expendables" Christmas TV Spot and Carols - The DVD is out November 23

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    Do you want to give the action fan in your life the ultimate, explosive stocking stuffer? Then you need to get off your ass and grab a copy of The Expendables, easily the action flick of the year, when it comes out on DVD on November 23. Watch this earth-shaking clip now!

    The Expendables was one of my favorite flicks of the summer, starring plenty of '80s heroes like Sylvester Stallone, Dolph Lundgren, who was the Russian opponent Ivan Drago to Sly's Italian Stallion Rocky Balboa in Rocky IV, Bruce Willis and Mickey Rourke alongside Jason Statham, Randy Couture, Jet Li and Steve Austin, who will forever be "Stone Cold" and "3:16" to me.

    The only action stars who were missing and that would have made the film even better were Steve Seagal and Jean-Claude Van Damme.

    Watch the spot below!



    In honor of The Expendables being the quintessential holiday gift item, I've exercised some of my poetry writing skills and have perverted some classic holiday carols! Enjoy!

    "Silent Night, Deadly Night" is obviously meant to be sung to the melody of "Silent Night." Somewhere, my Italian Catholic grandmother is turning in her grave!

    Silent Night
    Deadly Night
    The Expendables have come
    To make shit right

    Round up young ne'er-do-wells
    All crazy and wild
    And watch Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Willis, Couture, Austin and Rourke
    Be anything but mild

    Shoot and watch them weep
    Shoot and watch them weep
    "The Expendables, The Red-Faced Mercenary Crew" is set to the music of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."

    The Expendables, the red-faced Mercenary Crew
    Have very shiny guns
    And if you ever saw them
    You would turn around, scream and run

    All of the other mercenaries
    Will be put to shame
    Once Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Willis, Couture, Austin and Rourke
    Kick their asses and make them lame.

    Remember one sweaty, sweltering summer's eve
    Movie executives came to say
    Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Willis, Couture, Austin and Rourke with your '80s star power so bright
    You're film debuted at #1 tonight
    And how all the filmgoers loved them!
    As they shot up their enemies on screen with glee
    The Expendables can be yours
    On November 23rd when it comes out on DVD

    Applause, applause, right? I have a new career ahead of me in lyrics perverting.

    Are you going to gift the testosterone laden bros and dudes in your life with The Expendables on DVD and Blu-ray on November 23? Bros before hoes. Remember that. Know it. Live it. Own it.

    —Amy Sciarretto
    11.18.10


    Check out our exclusive interview with Terry Crews here!



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    Tags: Sylvester Stallone, Steven Seagal, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Bruce Willis, Jason Statham, Mickey Rourke, Dolph Lundgren, Jet Li, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Rocky IV, Rocky Balboa

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