"Letters to Lacey" Column 1: Flyleaf Singer Responds to Your Questions
Wed, 03 Nov 2010 19:39:37
When ARTISTdirect.com launched "Letters to Lacey" with our good friend Lacey of Flyleaf, we really knew it was something special. Lacey is one of the most honest and open singers to ever grace a rock 'n' roll stage, and we're thrilled to have a place to hopefully provide a little hope and insight. Lacey has answered a couple of your letters below, and she'll be answering more, so stay tuned.
Thanks again to everyone who submitted a question to Lacey! Submit your questions here!
Here are Lacey's first answers.
Ask away here!
From: Preston in Fairview
I need some help it seems as though I have nowhere to turn to. I've been having huge problems in my family lately—Grandmother with cancer, brother being kicked out of the house, and I think my dad has taken up drinking again. I fear that I'm becoming a colder person—a formal shell of the ADD-riddled energetic kid everyone loved—I'm becoming my father. What should I do? I'm only 17. Should I confront my father or leave it alone? It seems as though I'm alone in this one.
Looking for help,
I'm sorry about all the heavy things you're going through. I know sometimes when we are faced with such sad situations it can feel deeply lonely…I hope you will find good healthy relationships with people that you can talk to about all your feelings and questions. I don't think you are meant to carry those heavy burdens alone. But even if for now you don't seem to have anyone to talk to about all that stuff, it always helps me to write honest letters to God… to ask him why, tell him why and how I'm hurt, confused, angry and feel alone… It helps me to know that God cares and understands and can bring all kinds of good out of all kinds of bad. I know everyone believes different things, but as an ex-athiest who needed miracles to prove God's existence and saw them, I can say that I personally believe in God's comfort, love, sovereignty and goodness one hundred percent.
As for your grandmother, the best thing we can do with anyone we love is to make time for them, whether we hang out or call or text them regularly, to let them know we are thinking about them and love them is so important. I had to visit a cancer hospital once and everyone there was so loving and joyful and took every opportunity to smile, encourage or have meaningful conversations with every person they came across. I believe these cancer patients understood better than most people that no one, sick or healthy, is guaranteed tomorrow, and each moment we have with people is a gift…a short opportunity to love. And so that's just what they were doing. They were loving everyone they could with every moment they had. So while you still have breath in your lungs, and while she is still here to hang out with, do the best you can to let her know you care about her and that she is important to you.
And for your brother and your dad, it's awesome that you love them enough to want the best for their lives. But the important thing to remember is that just because we want the best for someone doesn't always mean that we can make it happen for them. People have to want that for themselves. If they don't want help, then all your effort to make things better for them will be like pouring gas into a gas tank that has a big hole in it. Remember that you are not his dad, he is your dad. If you come to him with an accusation and correction he may feel disrespected and in my experience, men do not respond to feeling disrespected very well. Write out your feelings about your dad in a letter to him, then read it back to yourself … Does it sound disrespectful and accusatory? Or does it sound like you are saying that you love him and you want the best for him? If you feel like the letter says what you need to say, and you think it might really help, then give it to him or talk to him about what you wrote. But like I said before, he has to want help to change. It’s hard to answer questions like this without asking questions… But I hope something in what I wrote answers something for you… Thanks for asking.
From: Jacey in "Little Town in the Yoop"
Lacey, I met you in Wausau, and you talked about my wish with me for a concert for that JHD me, my and older sister are sick with. I'm 17 now, having seizures and scared to death. I'm going to die, but I really wish you'd contact me back before I die. I really just wish to talk to you. I lost my little sister Karli to JHD. She was 13 in Feb 2010 and my daddy in April. I miss them so much. I've considered suicide, and I've hurt myself. It's scary and sometimes I just can't deal, but I try to trust in God and Jesus, but I feel so alone I just wish I could go and talk with you.
I remember you telling me about this rare illness. It's still possible that a show could be put together at some point to raise awareness and money for research about JHD. It's an overwhelming situation, even just hearing about it. I can't imagine how much weight and stress it must be to go through that yourself and with people you love. If you were here in front of me I would hug you and pray for you so that you could hear my prayer for you, and faith would grow in your spirit. It's hard to have faith in life or in prayers when you have seen people you love die the way you have. I have seen people I’ve loved and prayed for die, but I've also seen sick and hurting people I’ve loved and prayed for miraculously come to life as well, and that's why I would hug you and pray for you and expect you to come to life in your heart….
Remember Jacey, you woke up today. You are right and wise to say that you are going to die, because that is a truth many people forget…We are all going to die and we never know when or where or how. But the truth is that if you are reading this, you are forgetting to remember that you are alive today. When we face death we can either let it swallow us up with grief or we can let it sober us with the truth that we are all going to face death someday and that if we haven’t yet, then we should be swallowed up in gratitude for one more day to breathe, to love, to laugh, to hope, to be loved, to learn, to grow… to experience life. It's short and precious and it is a gift. Remember to live, Jacey. You are still alive. Live. I know you want to talk to me, but the truth is you want peace, you want hope, you want joy, you want healing, you want comfort and faith… and if you get a glimpse of that from me, it's only because my heart was healed and I was saved from suicide by a miraculous personal experience with the living God, Jesus Christ. You said you try to trust in God and Jesus, and I would say don't give that up. You will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart… not just part of it while you make other things god. And then you won't have to warm yourself to stay alive by other people's fires of hope and faith, but God will be a fire within your own heart bringing you to life… and bringing others to life around you. I hope to hear from you soon. I'm praying with hope and faith for you and your family.
Do you have a question for Lacey? Ask it here!