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Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel...
Nov 16, 2005, 02:24 PM by I Hate Your Album
Nelson's After the Rain, 1990
Nelson's Because They Can, 1995(!! They still had a record deal???)
Very appropriate title.
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Classy and Classic Album Artwork
Nov 11, 2005, 02:37 PM by I Hate Your Album
Classy:
John Valby's Greatest Tits, 2002 (This album cover is only a few years old. I'm scared. I'm more scared that this guy has a hits collection.)
and Classic:
Accept's Balls to the Wall, 1984
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229 Years Later...
Jun 28, 2005, 05:55 PM by I Hate Your Album
Happy Birthday, America! The land of the free, home of the brave, producers of some really crappy album artwork...
Bruce Springsteen - "Born in the U.S.A." 1984
Let's face it. This is a terrible album cover. 21 years later and we still have to see The Boss' bum. Lame.
2 Live Crew - "Banned in the U.S.A." 1990
Sorry...not much better.
Statler Brothers - "4th of July Celebration" DVD 2005
Insert own joke here.
Various Artists - "Patriotic Country" 2004
Is that badge being added to our flag? I think this is Toby Keith's belt buckle, actually.
America - "America" 1972
Ahh... a wonderful snapshot of American youth circa 1972. The real reason people were defecting to Canada in the late 60s/early 70s...these two.
American Idol Finalists "God Bless the U.S.A" 2003
Yes God, please help us.
Independence Day - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack 1996
What a piece of crap this "film" is. Oh wait...wrong flog topic. But seriously people... Will Smith punching an alien in the face while rapping his new hit, smoking a cigar, and delivering a witty one-liner. I was rooting for the aliens.
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The World Tour of Bad Album Artwork!
Jun 02, 2005, 04:44 PM by I Hate Your Album
EUROPE
Europe The Final Countdown 1986
Europe Wings of Tomorrow 1984
Europe Prisoners In Paradise 1991
I think the rest of Europe should've forced these Swedes to secede.
BERLIN
Berlin Pleasure Victim 1982
It is Germany after all... Think... The Scorpions.
ASIA
Asia Arena 1996 (yes, they apparently were still making albums)
Asia Aqua 1982 (lesson learned from this... just because you can draw something, doesn't mean you should.)
Asia Asia 1982
I'm glad those washed up prog guys warned me about these wild Asian beasts.
AFRICA
Afrika Bambaataa Dark Matter Moving at the Speed of Light 2004 (ooh... just last year...they should've known better...tsk tsk)
Ancient Pharaohs were known to have well-groomed goatees.
I think it's time to get back to the land of good taste and hip pop culture sensibility...
AMERICA
America Your Move 1983
The loser has to stay in this band.
America Silent Letter 1979
Nothing screams "U.S.A." like a tight shot on these two.
Miami
I was looking for authentic Cuban culture and Latin flavah while down in Miami, but instead I found this "sound machine"...I think it's broken.
Miami Sound Machine Eyes of Innocence 1984
Alabama
I found exactly what I thought I'd find in the south... these guys
Alabama In Pictures (as in... don't let these guy in pictures?) 1995 (yes, those mustaches were still livin' large a mere decade ago in the deep south)
and this:
Alabama Roll On 1984
Kansas
Kansas Kansas 1974
This guy kicked me out of his state for spitting.
Chicago
Sweet Home Chicago...
...um, what the hell is this?!
Chicago Chicago 19 1988
and finally... BOSTON
A city filled with the Irish, sports, and a rich history... of ALIEN ENCOUNTERS!!!!!
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No one wears pants on this brain!
May 24, 2005, 01:20 PM by I Hate Your Album
Does he want to steal his clothes or is he admonishing him for being dressed? Anyone? Anyone? C'mon Proggers, flog back and let me know what's going on here.
But taken at face value, this puts the ass back in Fantastic.
Rush Hemispheres, 1978
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Best or Worst?
Apr 18, 2005, 01:40 PM by I Hate Your Album
I'm not sure if this is the best or worst album cover. Either way, it's wonderful.
Bay City Rollers Once Upon a Star 1975
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Big Daddy Kane
Apr 18, 2005, 01:30 PM by I Hate Your Album
Big Daddy Kane - a man of class and subtlety...
Big Daddy Kane Taste of Chocolate 1990
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Have you met...
Apr 18, 2005, 01:01 PM by I Hate Your Album
Have you met my guardian angel, Barry Manilow?
Barry Manilow If I Should Love Again 1981
I think this cover may have been painted by that scary Stevie Nicks fan.
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Too Legit
Apr 14, 2005, 02:08 PM by I Hate Your Album
"Too Legit...Too Legit For Shirts!!"
MC Hammer Too Legit To Quit 1991
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The Blind Leading The Lame
Apr 06, 2005, 05:47 PM by I Hate Your Album
It's bad enough to make this your album cover:
But worse than that is being Winger...
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Solo Slippery Slope
Apr 04, 2005, 11:55 AM by I Hate Your Album
Roger Daltrey Daltrey 1973
If you act now, you can get these other commemorative plates in this limited time offer!
But no commemorative plate collection can compare to the humor derived from one viewing of this travesty:
Roger Daltrey Ride a Rock Horse 1975
Holy crap. What was he thinking?
If you know what he was thinking, please flog back and let me know.
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Meow!
Apr 01, 2005, 09:22 AM by I Hate Your Album
Look who was late the morning the band chose their costumes...
Peter Cris Peter Cris 1978
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That's What You Get!
Mar 31, 2005, 11:00 AM by I Hate Your Album
Remind me never to dive into this body of water. I'm guessing this wasn't on the brochure he got at the travel agency.
Dio Holy Diver 1983
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Someone Swallowed Sammy!
Mar 30, 2005, 12:07 PM by I Hate Your Album
Sammy Hagar Three Lock Box 1983
"My diabolical plan has worked! I'll be Van Halen's lead singer forever!"
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What is going on here?
Mar 28, 2005, 08:56 AM by I Hate Your Album
I don't know where to begin. No, I really don't. What the hell is this?!
It might be a fat woman with chicken legs and a breast plate?!
Metal Church Hanging in the Balance 1993
Can someone please help me here? Flog back and let me know your thoughts on it.
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Jude Law as Billy Idol in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Mar 25, 2005, 11:27 AM by I Hate Your Album
What's going on here? I'm actually scared of this cover.
Billy Idol Charmed Life 1990
Actually, I think this was George Lucas' inspiration for the planet Coruscant.
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A German Yoga Position?
Mar 24, 2005, 08:47 AM by I Hate Your Album
um...what are you doing there?
Scorpions Tokyo Tapes 1978
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Could you be clearer please?
Mar 23, 2005, 09:52 AM by I Hate Your Album
I'm glad they spelled it out for us. The gesture wasn't clear enough.
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Wow...look at this sad case.
Mar 19, 2005, 10:12 AM by I Hate Your Album
Subtext: "My father didn't give me enough attention."
Astralasia - White Bird 1998
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Bad Comeback Attempts #1
Mar 17, 2005, 10:33 AM by I Hate Your Album
This should be a category of Bad Album Artwork unto itself. When washed-up, out-of-touch pop stars try to come up with album covers that will simultaneously appeal to their nostalgia-addled fan base and fulfill the "still hip" and "relevant" requirements hanging over every comeback, the results are often...well, see for yourself:
Pat Benatar - Go 2003
Go, Pat, go...straight to the bargain bin.
Quiet Riot - Terrified 1993
It's true...total irrelevance in the age of grunge rock was a very terrifying thing. And when you're mostly famous for your hair, so was male pattern baldness.
Billy Squier - Creatures of Habit 1991
I don't even know what to say about this one. If you have a Billy Squier habit, please stop. It's for your own good.
Billy Idol - Devil's Playground 2005
Note to Billy: We all get old. It's nothing to be ashamed of. And not all the biker jackets, hair gel, and Pilates in the world can stop it. Stop living in denial, man. It's embarrassing to those of us who still own Rebel Yell on vinyl.
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Less Than Thrilling
Mar 14, 2005, 05:57 PM by I Hate Your Album
He's now best-known for showing up at court in his PJ's, but it's important to remember that Michael Jackson was once a very influential pop star, responsible for some great music and some truly awful album covers. Case in point: this deluxe reissue of Thriller:
We can only hope he didn't take that poor baby tiger back to his room after the photo shoot to show it copies of Barely Legal.
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Two Tickets to Laughter Paradise
Mar 10, 2005, 08:24 AM by I Hate Your Album
Look at this guy...
Eddie Money - Eddie Money 1977
Over two decades later. And things only got worse:
Eddie Money - Ready Eddie 1999
I would like to point out that Eddie Money is a pioneer. He has influenced the Hip Hop world in a way that until now has gone unrecognized. You see...Eddie Money's real name is Edward Mahoney. But in the late 70s, Mr. Mahoney had the foresight to change his name to reflect America's changing value system. He knew that if he changed his last name to Money, we'd all stand up and take notice. "Hey, I like money too!" I also have it on good authority that Eddie Money has a couple unreleased hip hop albums. One that he did with Run DMC in 1988 and one he did with G-Unit in 2003. On the first album he used the moniker MC Money, and on the second he broke it down to keep it real: E-Cash.
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Satan Loves You?
Mar 09, 2005, 08:15 AM by I Hate Your Album
H.I.M.'s Love Metal - 2005(yes, this is a recent album cover.)
"We need an album cover that says we might be a satanic metal band, but it also needs to convey that they are some sweet-ass power ballads waiting to be discovered within."
Bonus Question: Flog Back with suggestions as to what "H.I.M." might be an acronym for. My guess: "Heaven Invites Metal!"
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Viva La Buttless Pants!
Mar 08, 2005, 09:21 AM by I Hate Your Album
...um. yeah. I think this one speaks for itself.
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Night Ranger's 7 Wishes
Mar 07, 2005, 09:46 AM by I Hate Your Album
Night Ranger - 7 Wishes, 1985
In 2005, Night Ranger came up with 7 new wishes:
1. We wish we hadn't named our band "Night Ranger"
2. We wish we hadn't named our 3rd album "7 wishes"
3. We wish we had listen to our mothers and stayed in school.
4. We wish VH1 would call.
5. We wish we were REO Speedwagon. Their greatest hits moves units!
6. We wish JJ Jackson were still around. He'd still be playing our videos.
7. We wish someone would immortalize us like this:
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Poison Stones
Mar 04, 2005, 06:41 AM by I Hate Your Album
Easy Target:
Poison - "Look What the Cat Dragged In" 1986
But more egregious than the album cover are the lyrics to Track 2 - "I Want Action." Let's examine this song a little further, shall we... These are actual lyrics: "...if I can't have her, I'll take her and make her. I Want Action tonight." I don't think I need to say more. But I can't resist. Mr. Michaels laments lost love on the next track, "I Won't Forget You." Maybe you wouldn't have lost the girl if you hadn't threatened her with rape in the last track?? But every rose does have its thorn.
But uneven album thematics weren't just an 80s hair band issue. Let's rewind 15 years and take a look at Rock 'N Roll's golden boys:
The Rolling Stones - "Sticky Fingers" 1971
This wildly lame title and cover are associated with one of the most beautiful songs of all time - Track 3 - "Wild Horses." This absolute gem is suffocated by songs like "Brown Sugar" and "Bitch" (to be clear...these songs are not about dark cane sugar or a dog show).
Fast forward 26 years and these aging icons didn't learn any lessons about album titles or artwork:
The Rolling Stones - Bridges to Babylon 1997
Roar!
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Are those shorts?
Mar 03, 2005, 08:15 AM by I Hate Your Album
You have to wonder if those are shorts or pants he's wearing. It really doesn't matter.
Rick James - "Street Songs" 1981
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Fiddy Cover
Mar 02, 2005, 08:45 AM by I Hate Your Album
More than 50 Cent worth of steroids...
I'm hoping it's his head super-imposed on a comic book character. This is truly frightening.
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We see you, Lou...
Mar 01, 2005, 09:37 AM by I Hate Your Album
Mr. Reed, you should've tried harder to cover your face...
"Coney Island Baby" 1976 -- a by-product of having spent too much time with David Bowie.
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Misread Scripture
Feb 28, 2005, 08:07 AM by I Hate Your Album
I've read Isaiah 53:5. I think I must've skimmed over the part about the bumblebee Suburban, Aquanet and AK-47s
"Soldiers Under Command" - Stryper, 1985
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Casual Friday?
Feb 25, 2005, 09:07 AM by I Hate Your Album
Do you think this would be appropriate for casual Friday?
"Dirty Mind" 1980 -- great album, bad cover.
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The Grandaddy
Feb 24, 2005, 05:35 PM by I Hate Your Album
To start off this important star_FLOGGER topic, I had to go with the grandaddy of bad album artwork. Can you get any worse(better?) than this?
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