News

Art from Everclear Gives Love Advice!

With several divorces and a library of bitter lonely rock songs under his belt, we could think of no one better than Everclear's Art Alexakis to help our users with their love lives.

You asked sincere questions and you got sincere answers! I guess Art isn't joking in Everclear's new song ("Hater" - Listen ) when he sings, "I don't want to be a hater anymore" I guess it's all love from now on.

Claire from New York asked:
One of my best friends and I have decided to become friends with benefits. I'm accepting the situation, but my friend suggested that no one else be informed. I'm fine with the decision, but at times find it a little upsetting. What's the problem with mentioning our relationship to anybody and do you recommend I continue with this new level of our friendship?

ART:
Whenever you enter sex into a relationship, the relationship is going to change. I have never seen it not happen in my whole life, and the fact that your “friend” doesn’t want to tell anybody indicates a red flag. Maybe he or she just wants to keep things private which is fine. Usually though, whenever somebody wants to keep something secretive, it is something they are ashamed or not proud of. My personal advice, these things are usually headed towards disaster as far as friendships go, someone’s feelings always change.

Katie from Columbus, OH asked:
Whats a girl to do if she's in love with a man 20 years her senior?

ART:
Well considering that my girlfriend is 20 years my junior, it would be ridiculous for me to say that it’s not a great idea. But seriously, I understand why younger girls date older guys. Older guys are more together, they are financially solvent, they are more comfortable in there own behavior. But there are generational issues that come up and you have to realize that if you are in it for the long haul, the communication, the patience, and the ability to listen, on both sides, is going to be not just really good but necessary.

Derek from Pittsburgh asked:
I'm a gay white male, 38, and can't seem to find anybody interested in a long term relationship. Sadly all anybody wants is a roll in the gay hay and it's not for me anymore. I've tried online dating, giving up and hoping that cupid's arrow will strike, but nada. In 2001, I was the unlucky loser of being dumped by 3 different guys and have been the ultimate single pringle ever since. What, if anything should or could I do to find my soulmate?

ART:
I don’t believe you can find a soul mate. I don’t believe you can find love; I believe love finds you when you are not looking for it; when you are concentrating on other priorities in your life. And one of these might be working on being comfortable with you and not trying to find someone to fill that hole. Meeting people online, in bars and other places where people go just to get laid is going to make it hard, if not impossible to find somebody to have a serious relationship with. I think you should concentrate on doing the things you like to do and working on being a better person and eventually, you’ll find somebody.

Raylon from Sarasota, FL asked:
What do you do when the person you've been with for years, after recently making the big commitment, seems to have a breakdown in desire to communicate? I'm the passive, always willing to give in type, and it seems that I'm just getting abused for my troubles. Should I take a harder self-centered approach?

ART:
I think there is a difference between being self-centered and self-serving. If you feel like you are being victimized in this relationship or being used, or being taken for granted, you need to speak up and you need to make changes, and basically say what you will accept and what you will not. By saying that, you have to accept the fact that the relationship might be over. Some people look at that as a bad thing but I would disagree. I think what that means is you realize that that person may not be right for you and you can then get out, move on and meet somebody better that will treat you with more respect.

Ashley Dodge from Irving, Texas asked:
What is your opinion when it comes to soul mates? Do you believe that it's "love at first sight"?

ART:
I believe that you need to have that instant flash of what I call the ‘X-Factor’ - love at first site, whatever it is. You have to have that. Now perpetuating that throughout the course of the relationship is the real work. Do not accepting less than that but you need to have the whole package. You need to have that ‘X-Factor,’ admiration, humor, they need to be able to make you laugh, hopefully laugh at yourself. They need to be someone you can be comfortable with but still have that level of excitement.

Lorelei Rogers from Blaenavon, UK asked:
I am going to leave for college next school year and I'm only 14, I have a list of things to do before I go and one of them is to get a boyfriend, but I'm too scared to ask the guy I like. What should I do?

ART:
You’re smart enough to be going to college at 14! I should be asking you questions, not the other way around! I have never met any girl that has a problem getting a ‘boyfriend.’ But in reality you don’t want ‘a’ boyfriend you want ‘the’ boyfriend. You need to let things happen at a natural rate and not try to force it. Most people regret the things they force in life whether it’s a boyfriend/girlfriend or a new car.

Leslye from Seabrook, Texas asked:
I am single and 40. Sounds desperate huh?. Anyway, tired of the club scene...where would you go to meet someone?

ART:
I don’t know, I usually meet people at my shows but that’s really not an option for you. But, I am 44 and not married but in a committed relationship, I think you can meet people just about anywhere. Get involved in doing things that you like to do and you’ll meet other people that like to do those things. I always thought that was a great idea; meeting people in a bar, not a great idea. Meeting drunk people in darkly lit bars with loud music going on doesn’t give you a chance to get to know them in a short amount of time. Definitely a good place to get laid, but not to find someone to have a relationship with.

emma from toronto asked:
this guy always flirts with me and i suddenly started to like like him. I have hardly spoken to him because he's always busy and he hangs out with loads of girls. i want to tell him how i feel but i'm afraid that he doesn't like me more than a friend. We're best friends and he's 3 years older than me so he hangs out with girls his own age. what should i do?

ART:
Spend some time to talk with him. Maybe he’s interested, maybe he just wants to be friends. You won’t know until you talk to him. Ask him to have lunch with you or grab coffee, somewhere where you can talk, not the movie theatre. See if you really like this guy or if it’s because he flirts with you. Sometimes we like people because they like us. That isn’t a good reason to be with somebody.

Krys from Estill, South Carolina asked:
Are threeways really such a bad thing? I don't think so, but my husband disagrees. Can you help us?

ART:
Threeways are fine, if one you’re not in a committed relationship. Otherwise, it’s a disaster. I have never seen that not end in disaster. A threeway has to be something everybody involved has to want, not just something they’re just ok with. Just be smart about it as far as safe sex goes. There is nothing wrong with it if there are no entanglements; there are no lies or deception. If three people want to have fun and explore, why the hell not!

heather from st. paul, mn asked:
Every guy that I have started something with, dating, friends, one night stands, etc ..just stop calling me. I've done nothing wrong... all of this rejection sucks. Help!

ART:
You are worrying too much about it and trying too hard. Just be yourself, don’t give yourself away too easy if you think you are. Spend more time getting to know somebody and to know yourself and the right person will come. I see it everyday. It is a matter of just not letting your own self-image dictate who you go out with or who you are attracted to.

kt from miami asked:
As a touring musician i'm sure you could write the book on long distance relationships - any particular advice on how best to deal with time spent apart?

ART:
In a committed long distance relationship, which you are right, I know a lot about, you need to be able to trust each other, need to have great communication and be able to see each other on a regular basis regardless if it is every other week or every other month. You have to really make the most of the time that you do have together. Long distance relationships do work. Eventually, they have to turn into non-long distance relationships but if the feeling is there and the love is there and the friendship is there, you can get through it.

Eliza from Boca Raton, Fl asked:
After so much hurt and letdown how does one trust and love again?

ART:
That is a question I have been asking myself for a long time. I am learning that you need to learn to love yourself and be able to forgive yourself from the mistakes you have made. When you finally do that, you can forgive the person who rejected you. Then you can be in a place where you don’t need to be with somebody to be happy. A relationship is an added thing to your life, not your salvation.

Huffy from Meridian, MS asked:
What is the secret to a happy marriage?

ART:
I don’t think there is one secret, there are a lot of ingredients. You need to have the spark, commitment, devotion, a lot of humor and you need to have a closeness in an emotional way where you can grow together. We all grow constantly. The relationships that make it through the long distances seem to be the ones where people allow themselves and their partners to grow in their own way and are accepting and patient.

Jessica from Dallas,TX asked:
Do you believe that real love happens often?

ART:
No I don’t think real love happens often but I think it happens for every person when it needs to happen. And I think that love is something that makes us human, and by embracing love I think it makes every bit of life better. But it is going to happen when it happens you can’t make it happen.

Thank you to Art from Everclear for the insightful advice for his lovelorn fans. Everclear's new album, Welcome to the Drama Club, is available now in the ARTISTdirect store!