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K-Fed Attorney Says Sex Tape Doesn't Exist

An attorney for Kevin Federline has issued a statement declaring that reports of a Britney Spears sex tape have been figments of overly active imaginations, leaving thousands of premature downloaders to wonder about the real identity of the supposed Ms. Spears in the graphic "trailer" that had been circulating online.

"There is not a sex video of Kevin and Britney in existence," said the attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan. "It goes without saying that the stories of Kevin attempting to sell such a video are patently false and anyone who reports that they have information of such attempts is either lying or reporting the lie of someone else."

And thus ends the delicious possibility that, as previously reported, Spears and Federline could only be tempted away from the bedroom by the "occasional game of chess."

So while that is cleared up -- at least for now -- the National Enquirer is already on to the next story: that K-Fed is shopping around a prospective tell-all autobiography about his two years of wedded bliss with the pop princess, and that sordid details allegedly include a cocaine habit, a taste for plastic surgery, and a penchant for girl-on-girl romance. According to the couple's prenuptial agreement, Federline is set to receive a one-time-only payment of $250,000 as his severance package. He reportedly will take his tell-all book off the market if he gets a better cut from his ex.

Federline's debut album crashed out of the Billboard 200 in its second week, selling only 7,700 copies since its release. Several nights before his show at the House of Blues in Los Angeles on November 22nd, a K-Fed street team was reportedly trying to pass out free tickets while fans waited in line to see Pixies frontman Frank Black. "If you like Frank Black, you're gonna love Kevin Federline!"

--The ARTISTdirect Staff
11.22.06