Bride Wars

Lifelong best friends Liv (Kate Hudson) and Emma (Anne Hathaway) are a pair of 20-something career women reduced to acting like stupid, bratty children as their shared wedding day approaches.

No, they aren't marrying each other, although that would have made for a more interesting premise than the one presented here. The problem is that each of them wants her long-dreamed-of nuptials to take place at New York's Plaza in June. Unfortunately, the in-demand wedding planner chosen by each of them (Candice Bergen) says only one date is available at the hotel that month. Cue resentment, estrangement, subterfuge, sabotage…and scads of sitcom-level unfunniness.

Cowritten by Greg DePaul and "Saturday Night Live" cast member Casey Wilson (who has a small role as a third Plaza-scheduled bride), Bride Wars would be insultingly condescending even if its main characters were uncouth, dopey dropouts fighting over a Vegas chapel ceremony. The fact that Liv is supposed to be a high-powered Manhattan attorney and Emma a schoolteacher makes their annoyingly childish behavior even more off-putting.

Yes, the movie (allegedly) is a comedy, so allowances must be made. But there's nothing about Bride Wars that indicates its infantilization of Liv and Emma is supposed to be regarded as ironic, satiric or even tongue-in-cheek. Instead, the unsubtle subtext is that even educated and otherwise adult women are shrill, vindictive, manipulative harpies at heart.

And so we are treated to scenes of Emma switching dyes at a salon so Liv's hair turns blue, Liv switching Emma's choice of tanning spray so Emma turns orange, and so on. The former BFFs hurtfully harangue, insult and belittle each other at every opportunity.

There's also the initial creepiness of Liv's psychotically needy desperation to be betrothed, as well as her powerlessness to avoid eating any of the wedding-gown-straining sweets that Emma surreptitiously sends to her office. And Emma turns out to be the type of humiliating shrew who shows up at Liv's bachelorette party for the sole purpose of making herself the center of attention. That's entertainment?

Eventually, we are treated to that most overused of wake up call lines. Disappointed by Emma's cruel behavior toward Liv, Emma's fiance sadly informs her that "I don't even know who you are." Ugh.

Amid all of the squealing, screaming, and shouting that's supposed to pass for humor, exactly one thing in the movie struck me as funny enough to write down. Arguing about the merits of each other's upcoming event, Liv enthusiastically emits the immortal words, "Your wedding can suck it!"

Sort of says it all, huh?

—James Dawson
01.09.08